Skip to content

The Velvet Rule

Here’s the thing, people. If I see any of you wearing a velvet vest this Fall – especially over a weird, badly proportioned v-neck T-shirt – well, let’s just say that you and I will be due for a reckoning. Our relationship may never be the same. Counseling might not save us.

Do not wear a velvet vest! A velvet vest is just one, horrifying step away from velvet knickers. So put down your credit card, Lord Fauntleroy, and step away from the vest. In fact, please be very careful when making any vest-related decisions. Non-sporty-outerwear vests are a dangerous fashion accessory. Almost no one can emerge unscathed (although I know that, in the 80s, many of us tried). Put aside thoughts of how cute you will be when you re-create Diane Keaton’s Annie Hall look. You are forgetting two important things: 1) Only Diane Keaton can pull off that look, and sometimes not even that well; and 2) Clearly she was being punished for her vest-wearing by having to date Woody Allen. Unless it is part of a uniform, do not wear a vest. Also, do not do this or this.

PSA over and out.

{ 6 } Comments

  1. collene | September 28, 2006 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    Lord Fauntleroy is wearing my new jacket! Shall I make the counseling appointment now?

  2. Miranda | September 28, 2006 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    I have decided to think of your new jacket as something you bought to go along with your tri-corner hat. I also choose to believe that it is part of your “uniform” for the Revolution…

  3. LD | October 2, 2006 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

    Somehow I managed to wear vest well into the mid-90s without being shunned by my co-workers and peers. But now my motto is, “if you’re wearing a vest, give it a rest.”

  4. Darx | October 3, 2006 at 4:46 am | Permalink

    So, what about knit vests, do they fall in the We’re Through! category, too? I’m probably not going to make any, but I am contemplating it.

    Ah, my old black men’s vest that I wore in college over silk long underwear. Eeek, I think there might be pictures somewhere???

  5. Miranda | October 3, 2006 at 11:59 am | Permalink

    Hah! I will begin looking for those pictures immediately, Darc!

    Sadly, I, too, remember an Outback-Red-type vest that I used to wear in college…I don’t even own it anymore. I like to think that shows personal growth.

  6. Darx | October 4, 2006 at 8:39 am | Permalink

    Oh, yeah, I unloaded the vest on an unsuspecting friend. It must have found its way to the thrift store by now. Oh, and, uh, let’s leave those pictures buried, shall we??

    PS– I like the tri-corner hat!

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *