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For Your Inner Luppie.

Luppie.

I thought it was a parody, but apparently it’s not. Jane and Jane, “Home & Family Magazine for Lesbian Lifestyles.” According to their “About Us” page, Jane & Jane offers the following:

Jane & Jane™ is about culinary creations, discovering fine wines, investing in your future, planning your next family vacation and how to maintain your relationships. It will cover topics such as home decor, outdoor yard projects and gardening tips, as well as articles on de-stressing, fitness, health & nutrition and latest trends in clothing and haircut ideas. Jane & Jane™ will also share ideas on how to enhance your social life with several clubs and activity ideas to capture your interests. And finally, Jane & Jane™ will keep you informed with interviews on your favorites in the WNBA and the LPGA.

I can only imagine the “trends in clothing” and “haircut ideas” that will be provided in this magazine. I mean, judging from recent visits to Michigan and Midsommarfest, I predict consumer reviews of the latest in Clipper Kits, if you know what I mean

Will there be a Softball Tips column? What, exactly, will be covered in the “how to maintain your relationships” section? [Tip One: Do not date your ex’s ex’s ex’s ex. Tip Two: No one ever forgets anything. Tip Three: You may think you have an Ass Pass; what you really have is a one-way ticket to a breakup.] Will the summer issues feature grilling recipes, reviews of the new Subaru and Volvo wagons, tips on how to get ahead at your job as an IT professional, and a fashion feature on the Washington Mystics? Are you sure this magazine isn’t a parody?

Also – will there be manicure tips on how to maintain that “no nail” look? Will the music section instruct you in the proper way to play “Closer to Fine” on the guitar? Will they advise you on how to stop decorating your home with old concert posters and protest signs and instead upgrade to carefully framed reproductions of Georgia O’Keefe paintings? And as you grow older, will Jane & Jane help you transition from the “Polniaczek” to the “Baez?” (Or, if you’re already sporting the Ferron, maybe you can transition to the “Toshi.”)

Are we sure this magazine isn’t a parody?

{ 3 } Comments

  1. collene | June 2, 2006 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    why can i sense a monthly “cats are people too” column? an article on how to host(ess) a potluck? also, i hope and pray alexis stewart has an advice column where she answers every confused, desperate plea with cold, monosyllabic grunts.

    ok, call me a masochist, but based on humor alone, i need to subscribe to this magazine immediately.

  2. Miranda | June 2, 2006 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    If we subscribe to this magazine does that mean we’ll have to start immediately wearing expensive Navajo jewelry while sipping overpriced Pinot Grigio and lounging in Adirondack chairs on our cedar deck? This magazine just proves once again that Californians are different from the rest of us.

  3. collene | June 2, 2006 at 3:53 pm | Permalink

    the word luppie disturbs me.

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