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10 Reasons Why I Hate the L Word

1) This show sucks. I mean, seriously. It sucks a lot. Ridiculous plot lines, total lack of character development, idiotic dialogue, and just a dearth of likeable characters. This show sucks. It’s almost Claire of the Moon sucky.

2)

I hate Bette. I like Jennifer Beals – but I hate Bette. I don’t care how hard it is for her to accept that Tina is moving on with Mr. My Big Fat Greek Life. Would it kill her to do something on-screen other than a) be a total beeyotch; and b) look like she has cancer of the puppy? She’s insufferable. Also, that whole “I’m the one who’s going to be able to give her a sense of belonging…I do not want my daughter growing up in a house where she feels like an outsider because everyone else is white and when she looks around she doesn’t see another familiar face that looks like her own” speech? Why must they make Bette spew such DOOKY? I mean, first, Angelica is Tina’s birth daughter – Angelica is supposed to look more like Tina than Bette, who has no biological connection. Also, you’re going to bring a bi-racial daughter into an Angelica-Has-Two-Dysfunctional-Mommies situation and then complain that it’s TOO MUCH DIFFERENCE FOR HER TO HANDLE? I hate Bette. If I were Tina, I’d leave her too. Although not for some skanky dad who drags his kid to a strange lady’s house overnight so dad can get some schtupping in on his joint custody weekend.

3)

I hate Tina. She has always been an annoying Valley Girl whiner. You’re trying to tell me that first you get pregnant, then you find out your partner is cheating on you with some morally-bankrupt carpenter, then you have a revolting affair with a spoiled sociopath (Helena, I’m talking to you. You are not redeemed no matter how many Degeneres exes roleplay their fantasy lives by pretending to break your heart.), then you have an even more revolting affair with a creepy lawyer who wears men’s ties and has a pregnancy fetish, then you move back in with bitchy-sad Bette, then you give birth, then you go to work for the spoiled sociopath, and then suddenly you’ve got a hankering for man meat? Leave already, you pasty ho.

4)

I hate Shane. I know, I know. There are super-fans out there who would sell half a liver to get in her emaciated pants, but I am tired, tired, tired of being told that 80% of the women in Los Angeles find this waif-in boots irresistable, much less someone they would let cut their hair. LOOK AT HER HAIR, PEOPLE! Visually-impaired guinea pigs could do a better job!

Click “Show More” to read the rest of the rant —->>

5)

They made me miss TonTon. Surely that must be a felony of some kind.

6)

I hate Max. No, I really hate Max. Never mind that the actress who plays him is, now how shall I put this…TERRIBLE. The character she plays is so ridiculously wooden and one-dimensional that you’d rather put your own eyes out than watch. Oh, how many times have I reached for the eye-poker during this show… Way to represent FTM transpeople, L Word. Let’s create a character with the emotional maturity of a mealworm and have her/him represent the complicated world of the transgendered! Let’s make sure the character is totally inarticulate! And socially dysfunctional! And incapable of deep thought! Let’s make sure people think that transitioning means turning into an total asshole! Hey, I’ve got a great idea! Let’s put a horrible, horrible “moustache” on his face! Dude! And a flavor-saver too!! As poor Candice said of insufferable Stephen on last night’s episode of Top Chef, “You’re a tool and a douchebag.” And you are, Max.

7)

Do I need to say any more?

8)

You killed Dana. You bastards! Seriously, people. Dana was one of only 2 semi-likeable characters on the show. The other being Alice, of course, who everyone likes despite the fact The Powers That Be refuse to give her a real storyline or any depth whatsoever. But back to Dana. She’s dead. From breast cancer. First they make her break up with Alice – because no lesbians are allowed to have decent, enjoyable relationships on this show. Then they put her together with the Soup Chef – who everyone loved from Season 1, when she was allowed to have more than 2 lines of dialogue per show. Then they give her cancer and make her a bitter asshole who alienates the Soup Chef so much that the poor SC is forced to flee, in her own dialogue-less way, to the mudbaths in France. Then they kill her. For no good reason. Just to show that they can. Don’t give me this bullcrap about how the show has to “deal with the things that happen to people in life…Including death.” A realistic way to deal with Dana’s death is to have the rest of the characters commit mass suicide as they suddenly realize that they are stuck with each other for the next miserable season – without the brilliant comic stylings of Erin Daniels. Also – the little PSA they aired after the Dana Dies episode? Give me a freaking break. Like the L Word is soooooo brave for producing an episode about breast cancer. My god. Surely that’s never been done before! What a milestone! How courageous! How…what? What’s this “Lifetime” you speak of? What about the last ten years of Meredith Baxter Birney‘s career? Lalalala…I can’t hear you!

9)

The word “Manny.” Plus, the image of this particular “Manny.” Who hires someone for child care who so clearly hasn’t bathed in the last calendar year? Oh, that’s right…Angelica’s Two Psychotic Mommies.

10)

Not enough Peggy Peabody.

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Bonus Reason Why I Hate the L Word:

3 Words: Watery Ghost-y Dana.

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At least she’ll be reunited with Mr. Piddles.

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BEFORE YOU POST A COMMENT: This post now has over a hundred comments. Some of them are polite, interesting, challenging, funny, etc. However, some of them are idiotic, mean, threatening, and hurtful. I’ve thought about closing comments on this post, but have decided to keep them open for the time being. That being said, I’d like to offer a few reminders/suggestions before you post a comment:

• The L Word is a TV show. It is fiction. The characters on the show are not real people.

• Criticism, tongue-in-cheek criticism, and snarky rants are all legitimate responses to creative media work (see Television Without Pity). I am entitled to my opinion. You are entitled to yours. If you think I’m wrong, that’s cool. If you think I’m not allowed to have an opinon, that’s not cool.

• No, I don’t really hate The L Word. Generally I think it’s entertaining enough. Sometimes it’s a lot of fun (mostly when it focuses on the ensemble). However, in my opinion, Seasons 2 and 3 were chock-full of ridiculous melodrama, predictable plotlines, and shallow character development. That’s what I was reacting to in this post. I like the fact that this show exists. It’s ridiculous, however, to think that just because you support the existence of something that you can’t be critical of it. Democracy, art, life – they don’t work that way.

• Frankly, I have been enjoying Season 4 much more (continuing predictable plotlines aside, that is). I’m glad they got rid of those annoying pre-show mini-scenes. I think they were trying to do too much in earlier seasons. I want to see character and story development, not short, disjointed nods from the producers to whatever hot topics come across their desks.

• This is a personal blog. I didn’t force you to come here. If you want to leave a comment, please do, and thanks for reading. However, if you want to leave a juvenile, name-calling, death-threatening comment, please don’t, and thanks for leaving.

Thanks.

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