Skip to content

Bacchus Lawns

So Collene mentioned Bacchus Lawns today and I realized that I don’t think I’ve ever done a post on this particular topic (thats “par-ti-cu-lar” to you, CW) before. I shall remedy that now.

Some history: In 1997, I was driving through Northbrook, IL. On the side of the road, I saw a billboard advertising a new subdivision development: The Estates at Charlemagne. “How grand!” I thought. “How impressive that the citizens of Northbrook will soon be able to celebrate the life and times of this intrepid and legendary King of the Franks, King of the Lombards, and Imperator Augustus.” (Indeed these were the very words I thought seeing as how I am all up in the grille of the Holy Roman Empire like that, yo.) “Perhaps,” I thought as I drove past the development site, “perhaps they will recite the Chanson de Roland at the Grand Opening!” Imagine my sadness upon finding out that the Estates at Charlemagne have failed to reach their potential and have become, instead of a tribute to imperial power, merely another planned community.

This disappointing episode did get me thinking, however, and I now have a dream. A dream of my own series of planned communities with distinguished names. Different communities for different lifestyles. The possibilities are endless. I hereby stake my claim on the following developments:

The aforementioned Bacchus Lawns: Imagine the variety of model homes I could offer! Clearly the Dionysus All-weather Wood Deck is going to be a big hit with homebuyers.

The Woods at Caligula: A vomitorium incorporated into every new home design! Execution chamber/dining room combo available as an upgrade option.*

Hadrian’s Hideaway: Free stone wall included in every landscaping plan.

Marilyn Manson Mansions: All-black walls and transgendered gardening crew available on request.

* Caligula fans will be pleased to note that plastic surgery is now available for the Emporer Who Has Everything. Only 282 shopping days until Saturnalia, people!

{ 7 } Comments

  1. collene | March 10, 2006 at 3:47 pm | Permalink

    i love you.

  2. Anne | March 10, 2006 at 11:27 pm | Permalink

    Hmm. Shouldn’t the Caligula development offer a small “hands all in” orgy room tucked away in the basement near the washer and dryer?

  3. Miranda | March 11, 2006 at 7:51 am | Permalink

    Good point! It’s nice to see that you’ve bought in to our design aesthetic.

  4. spike | March 14, 2006 at 11:42 am | Permalink

    that’s hilarious. i love suburban chicago. the orgy room… ha ha ha ha. my friend’s cat’s middle name is caligula.

  5. Spencer | March 15, 2006 at 11:58 pm | Permalink

    LOL…. nice post!

  6. Megan | November 1, 2006 at 12:23 am | Permalink

    I am sure you are free to your opinion but from my point of view this show the L word, is a step for acceptence of sexual orientation and something like that should be given considerable amount of credit. I just hope that people think more outside of the “box”, thank you for your time.

  7. Miranda | November 1, 2006 at 12:34 am | Permalink

    Megan – you’re commenting on the wrong post.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *