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Now you taken my shrimps, baby, you know you turned me down

I am not anti-shrimp. I am pro-shrimp. I am pro-prawn. I am especially pro-shrimp-with-cocktail-sauce, but that’s for another post…

I am also not anti-Muppet. I am decidedly pro-Muppet. In fact, if I thought that endless picketing would make The Powers That Be rebroadcast all of the original Muppet Show episodes, I’d go make a sign right now. Think of all the joy that could be released to the world if only Lonny Lemon and her Singing Wig were returned to us.

Recently, however, it has come to my attention that there is a Muppet making the rounds on the media circuit who should slink back to the Muppety shadows whence he came. Yes, I speak of Pepe.

Pepe

WTF?!!! Pepe was on the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson the other night. I know this because TiVo is set to auto-record anything with Muppets in it. I was excited! Pepe is a lesser-known Muppet. Intriguingly mysterious and with no known Muppety talents. I knew that he had his own lip balm (Pepe’s Pina Colada Paradise) – a bold move, as prawns and lip moisturizer are not a natural fit – but that was all I knew about Pepe and his world.

Now I know that Pepe is also Hispanic and a spokesprawn for Long John Silver’s. Although this fact disturbs me because it falls into the category of Your Food Is Talking to You, I suppose I am glad that Muppets are still getting work. Here’s where I have a problem: Pepe is a Ladies Prawn! An alarming, somewhat misogynistic Ladies Prawn. A bling-blingy, pervy, Ladies Prawn. During his appearance on the Late Late Show, Pepe mentioned many times that he appreciates a fine lady. “The womens,” he said. “The bigger the better.” (Click here for video)

Crying now. Scarred.

[Robert Johnson lyrics = 1]

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