Skip to content

Tonight I’ll Be Staying Here With You

Yeah, so merry merry everyone. Hope you all are having a happy and safe holiday season. I had, in the words of Mr. Hanky, a Very Crappy Christmas. Have I told you about this? No? Let me address that omission right now. So, I’ve got this job. And occasionally it requires me to do actual work. This year my workload decided to chew up and spit out my holiday vacation plans. So, not only could I not go home to Pennsylvania* this year, but I had to travel – twice – to chilly St. Paul, MN.

First trip: December 19-21. Lodging: Holiday Inn Express, East Bumf*ck, MN. Ok – first, I have to rent and bear the expense of a rental car all by myself since my office, for some crackhead reason, does not believe in rental cars. Second, I arrrive at the hotel, which is located in a barren business park, only to find that this hotel has no food. No restaurant. No room service. I trudge back out to the car and drive around looking for food. Any food. There is nothing. The only food available is being sold at the gas station convenience store. Burritos, single-serving Sugar Corn Pops, Dinty Moore Stew. Are you getting the culinary picture here? Do you know how you feel after feeding yourself from a gas station for three days? That’s right. You feel like bloated Death-on-Toast.

Second trip: December 26-28. Lodging: Radisson City Center, St. Paul, MN. So, after spending nearly my entire Christmas weekend working and then traveling through the living-nightmare we call “Airport,” I arrived in downtown St. Paul, ready to order room service and buckle down to work. Imagine my surprise when the desk clerk at this so-called “hotel” informs me that they have closed the hotel restaurant for the entire week. That’s right. No food. Is it too much to ask that the hotel where I am staying offer food? Isn’t that part of being a hotel – as opposed to, say, a cot at the YMCA? I don’t, of course, have a car. I don’t, of course, know where anything is in St. Paul. Plus, it’s not only Sunday night in the business district, it’s also December-frickin’-26th. My options are distinctly limited. I ended up ordering from Domino’s. Do you know how tasty Domino’s pizza is? That’s right – it’s not. Especially when accompanied by a can (pictured above) from the Radisson vending machine. No, your eyes aren’t deceiving you. It really does say “Holiday 2003.”

Lessons learned this holiday season: 1) Do not travel to Minnesota on business without packing your own MREs; 2) Do not trust a vending machine that dispenses items that are more than 10 months old; 3) Do not stay at the Radisson; 4) Do not put off looking for new employment.

Sigh. It’s good to be home.

[Bob Dylan lyrics = 3]

* You remember Pennsylvania – home of such headlines as “Darker for Some, but Less Dry for All.”

{ 8 } Comments

  1. Jay | December 30, 2004 at 7:28 pm | Permalink

    oh, god, miranda, that’s truly awful. i hope you spend the next week drinking and ordering in. next time you’re in st paul let me know–i have friends there, they’d be happy to have you over for dinner….

  2. LD | December 31, 2004 at 12:48 am | Permalink

    Miranda, this is the saddest Christmas story EVER! (funny too, after the fact, or maybe you are not laughing just yet) You deserve a homeade meal, some hot cocoa and some good movie rentals. Hope your New Year is better.

  3. peggy | December 31, 2004 at 10:51 am | Permalink

    Yep, two words: new job.
    Hey, just looked at your photos from Pride ’04 – too swell. Eesh, I miss that big ‘ol toddlin’ town.
    Here’s wishing you a fantastic ’05!

  4. melissa | January 2, 2005 at 7:00 am | Permalink

    oh happiness, get out the map by indigo girls. you are the best! I’m teaching in taiwan (thought YOU had a crappy christmas?), can’t get much in the way of cds over here.
    Haven’t heard that song for years, not since i was living in the middle of a maize field in this funny little cottage called “the palace”. Thank you!

  5. melissa | January 2, 2005 at 7:00 am | Permalink

    and I was singing it in the park just the other day….

  6. Miranda | January 3, 2005 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

    Thanks, Peggy! Hope your 2005 is fantabulous!

  7. Rob | January 3, 2005 at 1:39 pm | Permalink

    Jeez, Miranda. I knew you said you were going to be busy in December, but I had no idea you went through all of this last week in your “work for the people.” I hope your work situation greatly improves in the new year.

  8. Darx | January 4, 2005 at 4:02 pm | Permalink

    This is so so sad. I am so sorry to hear about your dismal time. Only you could make a bad situation sound so funny in the retelling. Giant conciliatory hugs to you.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *