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It’s the Remix to Ignition, Fresh and Hot Out the Kitchen

Put the needle on the record! I am a good DJ. By which I mean that I am a good DJ as long as I’m in the car. I learned to car-DJ when I was in high school, riding around in the passenger seat of my friend Karen’s yellow Ford Escort (the “Bananamobile”). Her car stereo didn’t really work – or only worked when you hit the steering wheel just the right way – so I usually held a little boom box so that we could have tunes while driving. An eclectic mix of tunes, to boot. I think our heavy rotation songs during the Summers of ’86 and ’87 included: Breathe’s Hands to Heaven, King Crimson’s Court of the Crimson King, Laurie Anderson’s Walk the Dog, Lou Reed’s Vicious, Sinead O’Connor’s Jackie, Jackson Browne’s Lives in the Balance, The Violent Femmes’ Add It Up, and Siouxsie and the Banshees’ Cities in Dust. Wow. Memories…

These days I spin my car-DJ magic from the iPod. Still eclectic (Indigo Girls, Terri Clark, Sigur Ros, Auf der Maur, Goldfinger…). The beauty of the iPod means that instead of slaving away in front of your dual tape deck for hours just to put together that theme mixed tape that manages to include both Tracy Chapman *and* the Dead Kennedys, now you can just cue up a mini-mix on the pod for whatever theme happens to be running through your demented little head. Songs about Rain? Spool up some Carpenters – Rainy Days & Mondays, some Jodee Messina – Bring on the Rain, some Sweet Hello – Umbrella. Angry break-up songs? How about a little L7 – Sh*tlist, some Goldfinger – F*ck You and Your Cat, and some Ani DiFranco – Untouchable Face. Overwrought ballads with videos that feature big, vacant houses and rainstorms? How about Faith Hill’s Cry, Celine Dion’s It’s All Coming Back to Me Now, and Meatloaf’s I Would Do Anything for Love But I Won’t Do That. You see the hours of fun?

[R. Kelly lyrics = 1]

Keep reading , download some mp3s, and learn why I am also a bad DJ – after the jump…

Ok. Confession. I am also a bad DJ. By which I mean that my dream of quitting my job to become the world’s premiere creator of Lite Music techno-remixes will probably never come to fruition. I buy the software. I install it on my computer. I spin up the Janis Ian…and then I just murder the thing by throwing too many beats and too much reverb at it. I suppose it would help if I actually learned how to use the software. And if I had a little more patience during the process. Otherwise how am I going to take the charts by storm with my Manilow re-mixes? Want to know just how desperate the situation is? Try these on for size:

Connie Smith – I’ll Come Running – the original. A classic country song sung by the fabulous Connie Smith.

I’ll Come Running Remix – envision Connie Smith at a rave, being set upon by a pack of wild ducks. That would be my re-mix.


(of course, if you actually like the Connie Smith remix, well, then I’ve got a Janis Ian remix and a Bobbie Gentry remix I’d like to sell you…)

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