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Knee Deep in the Hoopla

Grace Slick!
VH1 and Blender are asking the question: What’s the worst song of all time? According to Blender, Starship’s “We Built this City” is the number one worst song ever.

The top of the list includes: “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus, “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” by Wang Chung, “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice, “The Heart of Rock & Roll” by Huey Lewis and the News, and “Ebony and Ivory” by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder. Also making the list: Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” (No. 30); Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” (No. 39); Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” (No. 41); Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Sounds of Silence” (No. 42); The Beatles’ “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” (No. 48); and Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” (No. 50).

What do you think? What makes a song bad? Can a song be bad and still enjoyable? Isn’t this kind of list-making just an exercise in pop-culture self-gratification and solipsism? Why would we listen to the media on the topic of what songs qualify as bad – when this is the same media that tells us that The White Stripes are the second coming? Are we really going to take seriously any pseudo-hipster music magazine that has paired itself with VH-f*cking-1? And then has the audacity to criticize “We Built this City” for being “the truly horrible sound of a band taking the corporate dollar while sneering at those who take the corporate dollar”?!? Frickin’ posers. And besides, let’s not be dissing Huey Lewis and the News.

So, what about your personal list of Worst Songs? What’s on it and why? Click on “keep reading” below to see some of our picks.

P.S. Because we live in a world of cross-branding, VH1 and Blender will be co-producing a show on this topic. You can go vote for your picks in categories like “Most Awesomely Bad Boy Band Song” and “Most Awesomely Bad Booty Anthem.” Then go on with your day and try to pretend you still have your dignity.

[Jefferson Starship lyrics = 1]

Our picks for Worst Songs (a non-exhaustive list):

Miranda:

– Paul Anka’s “Having My Baby.” With lyrics like “You’re a woman in love and I love What’s goin’ through you. The need inside you I see it showin’ Oh the seed inside you baby do you feel it growin’ Are you happy in knowin’ that you’re having my baby?” – I just don’t know why this isn’t near the top of everyone’s bad songs list.

– Patrick Swayze. “She’s Like the Wind.” Don’t get me wrong. I love the movie, “Dirty Dancing.” Love. It. But this song is really really really bad. All the hot, shirtless dance moves in the world can’t make up for it.

– Roberta Flack & Peabo Bryson. “Tonight I Celebrate My Love With You.” This is one of the worst love songs ever. Ever.

– Bryan Adams. “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman.” My God, this is a terrible song.

– Michael Bolton. Really, I should be able to stop right there. Anything that comes out of Michael Bolton’s mouth instantly qualifies for worst song ever. But I’d like to give a special mention to “Can I Touch You…There?” Lyrics: “Can I touch you there, touch you deep within Can I touch you there, can I touch you…there?” I am *so* not kidding.

Courtney: (picks coming soon)

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