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Knee Deep in the Hoopla

Grace Slick!
VH1 and Blender are asking the question: What’s the worst song of all time? According to Blender, Starship’s “We Built this City” is the number one worst song ever.

The top of the list includes: “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus, “Everybody Have Fun Tonight” by Wang Chung, “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice, “The Heart of Rock & Roll” by Huey Lewis and the News, and “Ebony and Ivory” by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder. Also making the list: Whitney Houston’s “Greatest Love of All” (No. 30); Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs” (No. 39); Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” (No. 41); Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Sounds of Silence” (No. 42); The Beatles’ “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” (No. 48); and Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On” (No. 50).

What do you think? What makes a song bad? Can a song be bad and still enjoyable? Isn’t this kind of list-making just an exercise in pop-culture self-gratification and solipsism? Why would we listen to the media on the topic of what songs qualify as bad – when this is the same media that tells us that The White Stripes are the second coming? Are we really going to take seriously any pseudo-hipster music magazine that has paired itself with VH-f*cking-1? And then has the audacity to criticize “We Built this City” for being “the truly horrible sound of a band taking the corporate dollar while sneering at those who take the corporate dollar”?!? Frickin’ posers. And besides, let’s not be dissing Huey Lewis and the News.

So, what about your personal list of Worst Songs? What’s on it and why? Click on “keep reading” below to see some of our picks.

P.S. Because we live in a world of cross-branding, VH1 and Blender will be co-producing a show on this topic. You can go vote for your picks in categories like “Most Awesomely Bad Boy Band Song” and “Most Awesomely Bad Booty Anthem.” Then go on with your day and try to pretend you still have your dignity.

[Jefferson Starship lyrics = 1]

Our picks for Worst Songs (a non-exhaustive list):


– Paul Anka’s “Having My Baby.” With lyrics like “You’re a woman in love and I love What’s goin’ through you. The need inside you I see it showin’ Oh the seed inside you baby do you feel it growin’ Are you happy in knowin’ that you’re having my baby?” – I just don’t know why this isn’t near the top of everyone’s bad songs list.

– Patrick Swayze. “She’s Like the Wind.” Don’t get me wrong. I love the movie, “Dirty Dancing.” Love. It. But this song is really really really bad. All the hot, shirtless dance moves in the world can’t make up for it.

– Roberta Flack & Peabo Bryson. “Tonight I Celebrate My Love With You.” This is one of the worst love songs ever. Ever.

– Bryan Adams. “Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman.” My God, this is a terrible song.

– Michael Bolton. Really, I should be able to stop right there. Anything that comes out of Michael Bolton’s mouth instantly qualifies for worst song ever. But I’d like to give a special mention to “Can I Touch You…There?” Lyrics: “Can I touch you there, touch you deep within Can I touch you there, can I touch you…there?” I am *so* not kidding.

Courtney: (picks coming soon)

{ 5 } Comments

  1. MOLT | April 21, 2004 at 10:03 pm | Permalink

    I must say I agree with you M. I like the song that is supposedly the worst ever. Remember this is the same media who refuses to hold the current administration responsible for anything.

    I now confess my worst iTunes purchase Mr. Wendall, Arrested Development. What was I thinking?

  2. Rod E | April 22, 2004 at 2:43 pm | Permalink

    1. Cheeseburger In Paradise — Jimmy Buffett
    2. We Are The World — USA For Africa
    3. We Built This City — Starship
    4. Rico Suave — Gerardo
    5. Mr. Roboto — Styx
    6. California Girls — David Lee Roth (remake)
    7. Wannabe — The Spice Girls
    8. She’s Like The Wind — Patrick Swayze
    9. How Do You Talk With An Angel — The Heights
    10. Insert anything by Toby Keith or other flag worshippers

  3. M | April 22, 2004 at 3:15 pm | Permalink

    Wow. ‘How Do You Talk With an Angel!’ I had completely forgotten about that song…truly, it is a bad song. But I now remember liking it when it came out…the shame, the shame…

  4. Jay | December 3, 2007 at 11:17 am | Permalink

    How do you talk “to” an angel.

    If a song is overplayed its just overplayed, not bad.

    I thought this post was about music but it seems to be about Bush hating.

    This will be my first and last post in this forum.

  5. Miranda | December 3, 2007 at 2:04 pm | Permalink

    Jay – Thanks for announcing your intro and exit here. I’m not sure it was necessary, but ok…

    As for Bush hating, you seem to have a pretty low standard for that, as the post itself is 100% about music, and apparently the sight of individual personal opinions by other commenters about politics offends you.

    Your sensibilities are probably too fragile for longterm readership here, so thanks for stopping by. I hope you find a more suitable blog for your internet surfing needs.

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