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Happy Friday the 13th, everyone! Happy pre-Valentine’s Day! Yay for two calendar dates that inspire absolutely nothing in me!

It’s true. I don’t worry about Friday the 13th. It’s not one of my superstitions. I won’t walk under ladders if I can help it (and if I do I’ll cross my fingers while passing through), I’ll knock wood to avoid jinxing a good thing, and, even though I hate pennies, I’m compelled to retrieve them from the ground as long as they’re heads-up. But Friday the 13th? Whatever. Thanks, but I don’t really need a shallow reason to have an entire day of foreboding. If I want that, all I have to do is read the State of the Union

As for Valentine’s Day? Oh, just bite me. (No, not like that!) Do we really need a “holiday”* to celebrate either the desperate search for love or the desperate need for proof of love? Valentine’s Day is just a way for smug, happily-in-love couples to make otherwise happy single people want to go home and finish off a fifth of Jack and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s while watching something uplifting – like one of those movies where everyone dies in the end.

Valentine’s Day will make you start wookin’ pa nub in all the wrong places. No, I’m not talking about the back room at T’s or the locker room at Cheetah. I’m talking about the internet. Yes, of course, there are people who find true love on the net. I even know a few of them. Mostly, however, it’s only heartache, disappointment, and self-executing viruses that litter the digital path to love. Still, we here at are mindful of the needs of our readership, so we offer up the following dating sites for your perusal. Good luck!

The Atlasphere: for Ayn Rand fans – who should probably avoid first dates involving any type of competition as it will just lead to a scorn-a-thon.

God’s Chosen Singles: There’s never a good Calvinist dating service around when you need one…

Reins and Romance: For horse lovers who love other horse lovers.

Free Thinkers: For agnostics and atheists. So, one day you can gaze deeply into each other’s eyes, clasp hands, and thank, um, absolutely no one that you met.

Millionaire Match: Wherein “millionaire” is defined as those making $100,000.00 per year or more. And smart is defined as “not really that smart.”

Date a Little: On-line dating for Little People – speaking of which, set your TiVos now for The Littlest Groom.

Incarcerated Bad Boys and Girls: When you just don’t have time to date regularly…

Two Wives: “Helping good people find good sisterwives” – in other words, for people seeking a plural relationship with one husband and two or more wives.

[Cardigans lyrics=1]

* I maintain that a holiday is worth nothing if it doesn’t come with paid time off of work.

{ 5 } Comments

  1. MOLT | February 13, 2004 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

    I honestly believe that Valentine would be horrified.

  2. LD | February 13, 2004 at 11:06 pm | Permalink

    i’m in love with archie, my new little snuggle-lump.

  3. peggy | February 15, 2004 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    It totally should be a paid holiday. The world would implicitly be a better place.

  4. M | February 15, 2004 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    I believe Mondays should all be paid holidays. I would be a better person if all Mondays were holidays.

  5. MOLT | February 15, 2004 at 10:55 pm | Permalink

    I don’t like Mondays.

    But not like the girl in the boomtown rats song.
    I have to go to school on Monday holidays. I even have to take a physics test.

    well… adieu monday is only minutes away

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