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Poor, poor, pitiful me

Insomnia strikes again!

Thought I’d take this late night/very early morning opportunity to complain about certain musicians who feel compelled to abuse me and my name. First, let us turn our attention to Barry Manilow. Ok, ok, I know that there are some people who really, really like Barry. His fans are legion. (Or maybe they just have Legionnaire’s Disease. I can never remember…) They fill concert halls, they enroll in his fan club by the hundreds, they sing the “I’m Stuck on a Band-Aid” song over and over. Um, that’s because most of them do not share a name with a famous Barry Manilow song. If they did, well, I think new membership stats for the fan club would begin to resemble ROI for Enron stock.

You see, if you 1) go away to summer camp as “Miranda” and came home, much to your parents’ chagrin, as “Mandy;” 2) show up at elementary school that Fall only to get serenaded by the school janitor in front of all your friends at the lunch table; and 3) that janitor (who is, of course, creepy like so many elementary school janitors are) is singing “Mandy” by Barry Manilow, well, you tend to hold a bit of a grudge. The further tragedy is that, because of Barry, random people then think it’s amusing to serenade you with this song for the Rest of Your Life.* Look people, I came and I gave without taking. Whatever. You’re now on notice that, unless I at least get dinner and a movie first, I hereby refuse to kiss you and stop you from shaking.

Anyway, just when I’m at the point where I feel prepared to take my life back from Barry and his minions, what happens? Yep, another song comes along to torture me. This time the culprit is Stevie & Co. Fleetwood Mac’s new album, Say You Will contains a song called, you guessed it, ‘Miranda.’ Excuse me while I say “#@$!!”

“At the end of the day
The end of the light
She remains of all of her foes
Miranda is dying with all of her might
She never comes
She always goes”

and don’t forget:

“Loneliness follows Miranda
And Miranda is always alone
Miranda is always alone
Miranda is always alone”

Thanks Lindsey. Love you, too, babe.

Fleetwood Mac can kiss my ass (and when I go see them in concert on my birthday this June I’ll be sure to tell them…). Yeah, this is almost as much fun as when my Criminal Law professor used to roam the aisles of the classroom shouting “Cops hate Miranda! Cops want to kill Miranda!”

[Update: Just remembered that the Butchies have a song on Three called “Mandy.” At least Kaia and the girls are more accurate in their description than Barry was: “Mandy you are with me now/Mandy never far from me/desperate raiding the cupboards/mixing gin and vodka.”]

* Yeah, yeah, I’m sure my friends Sandy and Cecelia would argue that they’ve had it much worse…but hey, this is my blog.

[Terri Clark lyrics=3]

{ 4 } Comments

  1. Sarah C. | May 29, 2003 at 11:54 am | Permalink

    You know, I can only sympathize…Courtney just isn’t a name people sing about : (

    But those who know of my first name, like to serenade me with ‘Sara Smile’ by Hall & Oates and ‘Sara, Sara, storms are brewing in your eyes…’ by Jefferson Airplane…

    But, no, nothing like you’ve had to endure with ‘Mandy’…but you don’t have Barry to blame!
    you have Looking Glass to blame. If they had not named their hit ‘Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)’, then Barry would not have had to rename ‘Brandy’, ‘Mandy’. I have the original ‘Brandy’ on Barry’s box set, if you’d like to listen to it. : )

  2. M | May 29, 2003 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

    Don’t worry – I am focusing my pointless, self-righteous, ridiculous, offended sensibilities on Fleetwood Mac right now. Lindsey Buckingham owes me big time!

  3. Jesse Rutledge | May 29, 2003 at 3:48 pm | Permalink

    Off point, but: I am looking forward to a critical review of “The Mullet: Hairstyle of the Gods”.

  4. tejal | May 30, 2003 at 12:46 am | Permalink

    All I can say is that it at least made my occasional visits to our Crim. Law class entertaining!

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