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Reasons I would like to be a vampire:

  • *snick* – that is the noise my fangs would make when I extend them.  Beware the *snick*!  It precedes the open-mouth-wide-throw-head-back-sink-fangs-into-you maneuver.
  • The power of aging.  As in “I’m twice your age and have double the power you have.  Stand down, baby vamp!”  Seriously – how nice it would be to have aging = gaining more power instead of aging = gaining more wrinkles.
  • Speed.  I would never have to take the CTA again.  Goodbye hour commute, hello super-fast flying (or super high jumping, or whatever it is that vamps can do when they’re old enough).
  • Infinite One-Liners.  Apparently this comes with immortality (cf. Buffy, True Blood, Angel.  Do not cf. Twilight or Lestat.).
  • Never having to decide what to have for dinner again.
  • Glamoring (although depends on which vamp canon you follow).  Useful for getting out of speeding tickets!  Also, murder.
  • The power of dollar cost averaging times immortality = I am the .001%.

Reasons I would not like to be a vampire:

  • Strict bedtime.  No more staying up past dawn.
  • All TV turns into Food TV.
  • Tiresome running into the same vamps over and over, century after century.
  • Stuck forever in the form in which you were turned.  (Note to self: go to gym)
  • Always being messed with by annoying, tiny, blonde people.
  • No need for hot sunglasses.
  • Constantly outliving the servants.

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